Military Romance Scams: How to Spot, Avoid & Recover

Have you connected with someone online claiming to be a U.S. soldier deployed overseas? Are they professing their love but making excuses not to video chat or meet? Do they have a suspicious backstory or urgent requests for money? You may be the target of a cruel but all-too-common con: the military romance scam.

As a paralegal and Intake Manager who has helped countless victims of these heartless crimes, I know the devastating financial and emotional toll they can take. That’s why I’ve put together this guide on how to spot the red flags, verify if a soldier is real, protect yourself from scammers, and recover if you’ve been exploited. You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Let’s get you on the path to healing and justice.

What Are Military Romance Scams and How Do They Work?

Military romance scams are a particularly insidious form of online dating fraud that prey on people’s patriotism, loneliness, and desire for a committed relationship. In these scams, con artists create fake profiles on dating apps, websites, and social media platforms, posing as brave, honorable U.S. military members serving abroad.

Once they connect with a potential victim, military romance scammers employ a tried-and-true playbook to build trust and manipulate emotions. They quickly express strong feelings, showering their targets with flattery, professions of love, and promises As the online romance progresses, the scammer will inevitably share a sad story about the death of their spouse or other family tragedy to gain sympathy. Then the requests for money begin, usually starting small but escalating over time.

The scam continues until the victim catches on or runs out of money. At that point, the scammer usually disappears, leaving the victim reeling financially and emotionally. In the worst cases, they may even threaten to post intimate photos or conversations online if the victim reports them.

It’s a heartless con that exploits people’s goodwill towards the military and desire for love. But by understanding how these scams work and the psychology behind them, potential victims can protect themselves from being manipulated.

17 Red Flags You’re Talking to a Military Romance Scammer

While every military romance scam is slightly different, there are common warning signs that can help you spot a fraudster early on. If you’re communicating with someone claiming to be a U.S. soldier online, be on high alert if they:

1. Refuse to video chat or meet in person, citing poor internet connectivity, security restrictions, or their remote deployment location as excuses.
2. Claim to be deployed overseas immediately after matching with you on a dating site or app, often in a combat zone like Afghanistan, Iraq or Syria.
3. Profess their love for you very quickly, sometimes within days or weeks of initial contact, despite having never met you in person.
4. Have a suspicious backstory, such as being widowed or divorced, having a critically ill child, or experiencing other family tragedies that tug at your heartstrings.
5. Ask for money to cover military-related expenses like transportation home for leave, medical bills, communication fees, marriage processing, or early retirement costs.
6. Pressure you to move your conversations off the dating site or app and onto private email or messaging platforms like WhatsApp or Kik.
7. Claim to be unable to access their bank account because of their deployment and ask you to send money or accept funds into your own account.
8. Send you checks, packages, or valuables to reship to another location, potentially enlisting you in illegal activities.
9. Have profiles with very few photos, all of which look professionally staged or like stock military images rather than candid shots. A reverse image search may reveal the pictures are stolen.
10. Speak in vague terms about their military service, or provide details that don’t quite add up, like being in a certain location that doesn’t align with current U.S. deployments.
11. Put off answering specific questions about their unit, base, or rank, or give inconsistent answers each time you ask.
12. Claim to need money for the treatment of combat injuries but are vague about the nature of these injuries or the attack that caused them.
13. Have an overly tragic life story, often filled with the deaths of parents, spouses, and children. These tales of woe create a false sense of intimacy and make victims feel “special” for being chosen as confidants.
14. Use romantic, flowery language, peppered with endearments like “my love,” “my dear,” and “my princess,” very early in your communication.
15. Hint at an interest in your finances or assets, such as your investments, property ownership, or inheritance.
16. Threaten to harm themselves, release intimate photos/chats, or publicly accuse you of infidelity or abandonment if you express doubts or try to end the relationship.
17. Demand absolute secrecy about your relationship, claiming that exposure could put their military career or your safety at risk. Real couples shouldn’t need to hide.

While any one of these signs on its own isn’t conclusive proof of a scam, the more red flags you notice, the warier you should be. Trust your instincts. If your new online love’s behavior has you questioning their identity or intentions, it’s time to dig deeper.

5 Steps to Verify a Soldier’s Identity and Avoid Scammers

If you suspect the U.S. service member you met online may not be authentic, it’s critical to verify their identity before your relationship goes any further. Here are 5 steps you can take to determine if your military love is real or an imposter:

1. Ask for their official military email address. All service members have an email address ending in .mil, which is different from a personal Gmail or Yahoo account. If they can’t or won’t provide one, that’s a major red flag. You can even try emailing them at firstname.lastname.mil@mail.mil to see if it goes through.
2. Check if they’re in the Defense Manpower Data Center (DMDC). This database maintains records of all active duty, reserve, and retired U.S. military personnel. You can search for your online love by name, birthdate, and social security number (if they’ve provided it) to see if they’re registered. Be cautious about giving out your own social security number or other sensitive data.
3. Do a reverse image search of their photos. Scammers often use stolen pictures of real service members to create their fake profiles. Use Google Images or TinEye to see if their photos appear elsewhere online under a different name. You can also check the URLs to see if the images come from stock photo sites or military databases.
4. Ask specific questions about their service, rank, and base. While you may not know much about the military yourself, you can research to see if their answers align with publicly available information. Ask about their unit, commanding officer, or recent deployments, and compare what they tell you with news reports or official military websites. Vague, inconsistent, or improbable answers are a warning sign.
5. Contact the relevant branch of the military directly. Each service has resources to verify the identity of a soldier, sailor, airman, or Marine. You can call the branch’s personnel locator service or email them with the information you have about your online contact. They can confirm if someone by that name is currently serving and if the details match up.

If your online love refuses to provide identifying information, can’t keep their story straight, or gets defensive or angry when you press for details, trust your gut. A real service member should have nothing to hide and would understand your need to protect yourself from fraud.

It’s also important to remember that even if you do confirm your love interest is a real soldier, that doesn’t necessarily mean their intentions are genuine. Scammers may use a mix of real and fake information to build trust before asking for money. That’s why it’s essential to move slowly, ask a lot of questions, and be extremely cautious about sending funds or sharing financial information.

In the next section, we’ll talk about what to do if your worst fears are realized and you discover you’re the victim of a military romance scam. Remember, you’re not alone, and there are steps you can take to minimize the damage and start the road to recovery.

8 Steps to Take If You’ve Been Scammed

Discovering that your online love is actually a scammer can be emotionally and financially devastating. You may feel heartbroken, betrayed, and even ashamed or guilty for falling for their lies. But it’s important to remember that this is not your fault. These con artists are skilled manipulators who have honed their techniques to exploit human emotions.

If you’ve been the victim of a military romance scam, here are 8 crucial steps to take right away to protect yourself and start the recovery process:

1. Cease all contact with the scammer immediately. Stop responding to their messages, block their email address and phone number, and unfriend or block them on social media. Don’t be swayed by their apologies, explanations, or attempts to guilt you into staying in touch.
2. Report the scam to the appropriate authorities. File a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) at ftc.gov/complaint and the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) at ic3.gov. Gather any records you have of your communication with the scammer, including emails, chat logs, and receipts for money or gifts sent, to include with your report.
3. Notify the dating site or social media platform where you met the scammer. Most reputable sites have a process for flagging and removing fake profiles. Provide as much information as you can about the scammer’s profile and behavior to help protect other potential victims.
4. Place a fraud alert on your credit reports. Contact one of the three major credit bureaus (Experian, TransUnion, or Equifax) to request a free fraud alert. This makes it harder for scammers to open new accounts in your name by requiring extra verification steps. You can also consider placing a credit freeze for added protection.
5. Dispute any fraudulent charges or withdrawals with your bank or credit card company. If you sent money to the scammer using a credit card, wire transfer, or online payment service, contact your financial institution right away to report the fraud and request a reversal. Keep in mind that recouping funds can be difficult, especially if you send cash or gift cards.
6. Change all your passwords and enable two-factor authentication. The scammer may have gained access to your email, social media, or online banking accounts. To prevent further damage, change your passwords to strong, unique ones for each account and turn on two-factor authentication wherever possible.
7. Seek professional support to cope with the emotional impact. Being betrayed by someone you trusted and loved can be traumatic. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a counselor, therapist, or support group that specializes in helping romance scam survivors. Processing your emotions in a healthy way is key to moving forward.
8. Consult with an attorney experienced in fraud recovery. An attorney who specializes in cyber fraud and financial crimes can help you understand your legal options for holding the scammer accountable and recouping your losses. They can also advise you on steps to take if the scammer is threatening to release intimate photos or conversations.

Remember, recovering from a romance scam takes time, both financially and emotionally. Be patient with yourself and lean on trusted friends and family for support. You may feel tempted to blame yourself or keep the scam a secret out of embarrassment, but sharing your story can help you heal and prevent others from falling victim.

In the final section, we’ll discuss strategies for protecting yourself from future military romance scams and red flags to watch for as you navigate the online dating world.

How to Guard Your Heart and Money From Military Romance Scammers

The pain of being scammed can make you want to swear off online dating forever. But don’t let one cruel experience keep you from finding the authentic love you deserve. By learning to spot the warning signs early and taking proactive steps to protect yourself, you can safely connect with genuine potential partners.

Be Wary of Anyone You Meet Online

First and foremost, always be wary of anyone you meet online who seems too good to be true. Scammers often create profiles that check every box on your “perfect partner” wishlist, from their appearance to their hobbies and values. They may shower you with compliments, profess their feelings, and talk about your future together after just a few chats. While it’s normal to feel flattered and excited by such strong interest, don’t let it override your instincts if something feels “off.”

Avoid Falling for Fantasies

To avoid falling for a fantasy, insist on taking things slowly and asking plenty of questions. A real person who is interested in a genuine relationship will be happy to share details about their life, family, work, and dreams for the future. They won’t mind hopping on a video chat so you can see each other face-to-face and will make an effort to meet in person if geography allows. Trust your gut if someone is consistently making excuses for why they can’t take these basic steps.

Protect Your Personal Info

It’s also essential to keep your conversations on the dating site or app where you connected, at least until you’ve had a chance to verify the person’s identity and intentions. Scammers often try to quickly move the relationship to private email or messaging apps so they can avoid detection by the platform’s security measures. Politely decline any requests to switch to a different communication method until you feel fully confident in who you’re talking to.

Never Send Money to Someone You Haven’t Met

Above all, never send money or share sensitive financial information with someone you haven’t met in person, no matter how convincing their story may be. A real soldier would never ask a stranger on the internet for funds to cover military expenses, medical bills, or travel costs. If your online love interest brings up money early in your relationship, consider it a major red flag.

Finally, remember that you don’t have to navigate the perils of online dating alone. Don’t hesitate to involve a trusted friend or family member in your search for love. Share your dating profiles and messages with them and introduce them to anyone you’re considering meeting in person. An outside perspective can help you spot warning signs you might miss and provide support if something does go wrong.

You’re Not Alone: Healing & Justice After a Military Romance Scam

If you’ve fallen victim to a military romance scam, please know that it’s not your fault. These con artists are master manipulators who prey on people’s deepest hopes and desires. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to suffer in silence or shame.

At Minc Law, we’re committed to helping romance scam survivors take back their power and pursue every available remedy. From getting the scammer’s fake profiles taken down to filing claims with banks and credit bureaus, we’ll be your fierce advocates every step of the way.

In addition to our legal services, we offer comprehensive Digital Risk Protection to help safeguard your online reputation and privacy in the aftermath of a scam. Our team of experts can conduct a thorough assessment of your digital footprint, identifying any compromised accounts or sensitive information that may have been exposed. We’ll work with you to secure your online presence, remove any fraudulent profiles or posts created by the scammer, and monitor the internet for any future threats to your privacy.

While the road to recovery may feel long, healing and justice are possible. If you suspect you’re being targeted by a military romance scammer, or have already been victimized, reach out to us for a confidential consultation by calling (216) 373-7706, speaking with a Chat representative, or filling out our online contact form. Together, we’ll create a comprehensive plan to protect your peace of mind, your assets, your reputation, and your future.